When I feel responsible for something out of my control
*Strange as it may seem, I rarely blog because I wonder if it would be interesting or useful for anyone. I’m also quite a random freelancer, so the idea of blogging on schedule is probably a nice one that I’ll fail at quickly. *
Anyway, a bunch of circumstances led Me and my daughter to be cast in a commercial. Funny how these things happen without any intention of mine. It was hard work. Don’t underestimate how hard movies are to make. This time was also a three day, location shoot. Not exactly the easiest, but definitely the most fun. We were blessed with the opportunity to stay in a great ski resort hotel in Niigata and to work on the top of a beautiful mountain.
Perhaps the most challenging part was my own feelings. It was very difficult to separate myself from my daughter. Whether she collaborated, or refused, felt like my responsibility. 5 year olds don’t care if they have a job to do, or if they are getting paid. They want to do something or they don’t. It was a psychological test of my relationship with her and my discipline. When the clock was ticking and the production costs were climbing, it was hard to allow her space to come to terms with the job she needed to do. At one point she actually said “you’re driving me crazy!” when she was trying to make a snow man and we kept asking her to smile. For her, when she is creating, she is quite serious by nature. At that moment I realized that I was getting all caught up in my own fears. Fear that I was a bad parent. Fear that my daughter is not disciplined. Fear that many people will be inconvenienced and it would be my fault. I awoke. I backed away. I breathed. I released my guilt. I let the situation unfold and eventually she did smile beautifully and they got the shot. And of course I find out afterwards that she did amazing for 5 years old and everyone was impressed. All of those fears were mine and mine alone.
Well, the job was done and overall we had an amazing experience. I’m overly tired, I have a few blisters, a few bumps and great memories too. I learned about myself and about my daughter. The staff were wonderful, every single one of them. They showed so much affection for my daughter and she obviously felt very relaxed and happy with everyone. I wish them all happiness.
*I find it quite mysterious that I feel like blogging right now. Perhaps I’m delirious. *
Mostly I’m very excited to see the final 30 second commercial that we helped to create. It will capture my 5 year old daughter in her best moments in very high res video and I’ll cherish it forever. I’m grateful for this gift.
Drinking red wine out of the bottle on a bus headed for Tokyo, after two long days,
was also fun!